Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
