I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
