Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
