how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
