We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
