pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
