Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
