the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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