But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
