Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
