hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
