remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
