I wish I only lived at night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize