my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I still have a little drunk in my system
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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