she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
