u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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