I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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