k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
