okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
