Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
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either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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