Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
so much tequila, so little girl.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
