I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
