well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
