So drunk its hurt
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
