my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
