guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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