Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
