Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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