16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
