this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
