You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
