dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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