You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
