kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
