OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there was a trapeze. enough said
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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