Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
