My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
