shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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