happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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