you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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