I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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