Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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