ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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