Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I believe in your delicious
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
