I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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