i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
