i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize