I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
