drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
