dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
