I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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