Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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