did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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