He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
