I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
