so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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