theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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