erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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