hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
