Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
